Monday, 3 August 2015

Back In the Game

I didn't have the heart to carry on with my blog for a few months. It took all my energy to focus on doing my job, looking after my family and undergoing all the treatments that were necessary to give me the best chance of survival of breast cancer. Chemotherapy lost me my hair, radiotherapy knocked me for six in terms of energy levels and my feelings of positivity, and Tamoxifen (the wonder drug) has sent me shooting into menopause with hot flushes galore.

So writing about things I love here with any great conviction hasn't really been a thing I've wanted to do. But now, six weeks after my final radiotherapy and with my hair, eyelashes and eyebrows growing back, I am feeling much more normal and ready to get on with life.

I know I face years of tests and a reconstruction somewhere down the line, but for the moment I am happy to look in the mirror and to walk down the street without a headscarf. Little things have made me incredibly happy - the veggies growing in our vegetable patch, I could gaze at them for ages.

I am amazed and overwhelmed at the support I have had from everyone. Family, friends, work colleagues, clients - all have been absolutely amazing and one thing I really feel is that I am loved. We never really know this until something like this happens and I know everyone goes on about it giving you a huge sense of perspective (it does) but it's also about the small kindnesses from people you wouldn't imagine would be so supportive that make a difference. Even if it's just a message of support on an email it means a lot and has helped me enormously get through some really crap times.

Anyway it's time to move on. For the first time I have a wall calendar that doesn't say hospital/chemo/radio appointment anywhere on it. My next check up is the end of October so I have a bit of time to just 'be'. Here's to just being for the time being.

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